British Tennis Forum - Celebrating 20 Years!

Sheddie · Sheddie

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day, it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having...

Sheddie · Sheddie

1. Only in America.......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America.......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America.......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healt...

Sheddie · Sheddie

An English doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital. He is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first patient he sees, and the man proclaims: "Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!" The...

Sheddie · Sheddie

A LETTER FROM TESCO Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford: Dear Mrs. Murray, While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of ou...

Montana Doug · Montana Doug

Hopefully no one has posted these before....I found them funny. THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005: Crack Found on Governor's Daughter[Imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers[Now that's taking things a bit...

Sheddie · Sheddie

I thought it'd be fun to have our own world championships for the arcade game "space invaders." I'm looking for 64 participants, please sign up in this thread stating the country you wish to represent [GB will be split up into the home nations eg: Scotland, England, Wales, NI + Isle of Man, Jersey,...

Sheddie · Sheddie

These are a collection of some of the funniest letters to be published in newspaper editorial sections...some are simply classic Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris Patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on Muslim cleric Abu Hamsa. Les Barnsley ------...

Sheddie · Sheddie

I expect very interesting developments would occur..... Here are some of my conjectures, will be interesting to see what the Panda himself thinks... (1) Nadal and Lopez would get a lifetime ban from competing in Britain

(2) The clay tourneys in May would be switched to grass and there woul...

Sheddie · Sheddie

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie...

Salmon · Salmon

Enjoy your year, Count.

What a present Alex gave you today.

I have now taken an oath to remember all birthdays.

Sheddie · Sheddie

After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health: 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart...

Count Zero · Count Zero

just think it might be a nice idea if poeople who post under different names here to AM.com post here so we can have a list. some of use use the same some dont: Count Zero - Jac

Sheddie · Sheddie

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the be...

Sheddie · Sheddie

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: 1. You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. 2. You're a...

Sheddie · Sheddie

The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook. Night falls... Firs...

steven · steven

(well, I think that's better than all the real headlines about it!) "Agassi commits 'lip fault' in fundraiser LA MARQUE, Texas, April 16 (UPI) -- Andre Agassi proved during a fundraising event in Texas that even the pros have amateur moments when his racket accidentally clipped his wife's lip...

Count Zero · Count Zero

1. go to www.google.com 2. click on "maps" 3. click on "get directions" 4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box) 5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box) (hit get directions) 6. scroll down to step #23

Sheddie · Sheddie

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing cricket without a box. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on...

Sheddie · Sheddie

The Florida übercrapper indicates that America has thrown in the towel on its burgeoning obesity problem and recognises that the day will soon arrive when it will need to accommodate wobbly pairs of 33-metre buttocks

[img]https://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g82/UltimateSlabba...

Sheddie · Sheddie

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6557635.stm

Sheddie · Sheddie

A sweet grandmother telephoned Wigan Infirmary. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear. What's the name and room number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, &qu...

Sheddie · Sheddie

Are the new emoticons popular ? Do people like the new animated ones ? -- Edited by Sheddie at 17:13, 2007-04-12

Sheddie · Sheddie

If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. The problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the pa...

Count Zero · Count Zero

i am not sure who on this board is a current or ex student but thought this might be of interest to some: Please send on to all students/ex-students! you know........ For any of you that have still have student loans outstanding....please pass on For most unsuspecting graduates who are paying back the...

Sheddie · Sheddie

Should we utilise the forum calendar at all ? (it's on the control bar, next to recent posts) Atm, it just lists when members joined and member birthdays..however,we can put lots of other info on there

Topic		Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
	A cold reception in heaven (Preview) It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day, it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having...	Sheddie	0	863	May 12, 2007 by Sheddie
	Only in America (2) (Preview) 1. Only in America.......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2. Only in America.......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3. Only in America.......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healt...	Sheddie	1	948	May 11, 2007 by Madeline
	Scottish hospital ward (Preview) An English doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital. He is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first patient he sees, and the man proclaims: "Fair fa' yer honest, sonsie face, Great chieftain o' the puddin' race!" The...	Sheddie	2	972	May 11, 2007 by Madeline
	A letter from Tesco (Preview) A LETTER FROM TESCO Proof of what can happen if a wife or girlfriend drags her husband or boyfriend along shopping. This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford: Dear Mrs. Murray, While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of ou...	Sheddie	0	877	May 11, 2007 by Sheddie
	The year's best headlines of 2005 (Preview) Hopefully no one has posted these before....I found them funny. THE YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2005: Crack Found on Governor's Daughter[Imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers[Now that's taking things a bit...	Montana Doug	4	994	May 6, 2007 by Madeline
	The activeboard world championships - space invaders ( 1 2 ) (Preview) I thought it'd be fun to have our own world championships for the arcade game "space invaders." I'm looking for 64 participants, please sign up in this thread stating the country you wish to represent [GB will be split up into the home nations eg: Scotland, England, Wales, NI + Isle of Man, Jersey,...	Sheddie	22	1993	May 6, 2007 by john
	Letters to the editor (Preview) These are a collection of some of the funniest letters to be published in newspaper editorial sections...some are simply classic Could the Home Secretary explain to me how biometric checks on iris Patterns and fingerprints are going to help keep tabs on Muslim cleric Abu Hamsa. Les Barnsley ------...	Sheddie	2	1060	May 6, 2007 by Montana Doug
	If Arka was in charge of the LTA (Preview) I expect very interesting developments would occur..... Here are some of my conjectures, will be interesting to see what the Panda himself thinks... (1) Nadal and Lopez would get a lifetime ban from competing in Britain (2) The clay tourneys in May would be switched to grass and there woul...	Sheddie	9	1000	Apr 28, 2007 by Salmon
	Disorder in the American courts (Preview) These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: Are you sexually active? A: No, I just lie...	Sheddie	1	881	Apr 26, 2007 by VSandhi20
	Happy Birthday To James! ( 1 2 3 ) (Preview) Enjoy your year, Count. What a present Alex gave you today. I have now taken an oath to remember all birthdays.	Salmon	32	3189	Apr 26, 2007 by Count Zero
	The final word on nutrition (Preview) After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here's the final word on nutrition and health: 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us. 3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart...	Sheddie	7	1088	Apr 20, 2007 by Madeline
	Alias ( 1 2 ) (Preview) just think it might be a nice idea if poeople who post under different names here to AM.com post here so we can have a list. some of use use the same some dont: Count Zero - Jac	Count Zero	19	18202	Apr 20, 2007 by Salmon
	The 18th birthday prayer (Preview) Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk), At home as in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the be...	Sheddie	3	2539	Apr 20, 2007 by Count Zero
	Marketing (Preview) The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is: 1. You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. 2. You're a...	Sheddie	0	865	Apr 20, 2007 by Sheddie
	Survival exercise (Preview) The SAS, the Parachute Regiment and the Police decide to go on a survival weekend together to see who comes out on top. After some basic exercises the trainer tells them that their next objective is to go down into the woods and catch a rabbit, returning with it ready to skin and cook. Night falls... Firs...	Sheddie	0	825	Apr 19, 2007 by Sheddie
	Shagging with Andre leaves Steffi in stitches (Preview) (well, I think that's better than all the real headlines about it!) "Agassi commits 'lip fault' in fundraiser LA MARQUE, Texas, April 16 (UPI) -- Andre Agassi proved during a fundraising event in Texas that even the pros have amateur moments when his racket accidentally clipped his wife's lip...	steven	0	1153	Apr 17, 2007 by steven
	Google Directions (Preview) 1. go to www.google.com 2. click on "maps" 3. click on "get directions" 4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box) 5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box) (hit get directions) 6. scroll down to step #23	Count Zero	9	1095	Apr 17, 2007 by Rochelle
	Dictionary meanings (Preview) VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing cricket without a box. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on...	Sheddie	1	884	Apr 16, 2007 by johnnylad
	World's biggest toilet (Preview) The Florida übercrapper indicates that America has thrown in the towel on its burgeoning obesity problem and recognises that the day will soon arrive when it will need to accommodate wobbly pairs of 33-metre buttocks [img]https://i54.photobucket.com/albums/g82/UltimateSlabba...	Sheddie	0	890	Apr 16, 2007 by Sheddie
	Spacehoppers set bounce record (Preview) http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/6557635.stm	Sheddie	0	822	Apr 16, 2007 by Sheddie
	Hospital patient (Preview) A sweet grandmother telephoned Wigan Infirmary. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear. What's the name and room number?" The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, &qu...	Sheddie	3	1132	Apr 14, 2007 by Sheddie
	Emoticons ( 1 2 3 ) (Preview) Are the new emoticons popular ? Do people like the new animated ones ? -- Edited by Sheddie at 17:13, 2007-04-12	Sheddie	34	3154	Apr 14, 2007 by john
	Rules of chocolate (Preview) If you get melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly. Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want. The problem: How to get two pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the pa...	Sheddie	4	1000	Apr 14, 2007 by Madeline
	Student Loan payments (serious) (Preview) i am not sure who on this board is a current or ex student but thought this might be of interest to some: Please send on to all students/ex-students! you know........ For any of you that have still have student loans outstanding....please pass on For most unsuspecting graduates who are paying back the...	Count Zero	7	1090	Apr 14, 2007 by imoen
	Forum calendar (Preview) Should we utilise the forum calendar at all ? (it's on the control bar, next to recent posts) Atm, it just lists when members joined and member birthdays..however,we can put lots of other info on there	Sheddie	3	846	Apr 13, 2007 by RobC
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