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Elegant Point · Futures qualifying

A difficult subject

JonH comes home · Tennis legend

JonH comes home wrote:
Ive been feeling very down today and its been triggered by some recent events around us. Ive not come across this before on a personal level but have had 3 acquaintances in the past two weeks who have committed suicide. Its never touched me before and its left me feeling so very sad and quite down.

One was a lovely chap who recently did roof work at our house. He finished the work around 3 months back and we sort of kept in touch. something happened in his life and we heard hed taken his life, leaving a wife and two kids at uni / 6th form. Only 59.

the second was a friend of my daughters - shed worked the fringe recently and got to know this lovely ground of friends she made through it. the end of the fringe, this young man, aged 23, just graduated this summer, organised a big night out in Edinburgh. Next day various messages went around as no one had heard from him. His body was found that morning near the Balmoral Hotel. My daughter doesnt know him well enough to know what may have been in his life, but the night before hed been the life and soul of the party until they all left each other in the early hours
the third was a young lady who a friend of ours is close to - its been in the news, only 30, she celebrated her first anniversary the day before at a local spa hotel. The next morning she was found hanged in the garden in the centre of town. Her life seemed perfect.

I wasnt best friends or close to these people but its never touched me before and it seems to be so tragic and so wasteful.

my son messaged earlier to say he was feeling a bit down in the dumps and weve messaged on and off all day and he seems ok. He wont pick up his phone though. Im sure it is fine but all of this really upset me and caused me to think

life is precious and people love you - theres always a way out; dont hurt those close to you. It isnt the answer.

I started this thread off the back of some events that happened in the summer. The young lady who sadly took her own life has just had the inquest completed and it makes such a sad story and a waste of time. People will no doubt have read it in the press as it was and is quite a big story, certainly in the likes of the Mail etc. sadly it seems use of cocaine and alcohol together played a big part in clouding her judgement and actions. Such a waste.

JonH comes home · Tennis legend

As an aside, I think I will be around this board much less myself in the future. Im 60 now and my parents are both mid 80s. Dad, bless him, was diagnosed with stage 4 Prostate Cancer in the summer. Hes doing well, and they can treate it for now just a tablet but it will progress eventually; Mum we noticed was struggling with her memory and her personality and it became more apparent in the lead up to Xmas. We encouraged Dad to take her to the GP and my SiL is a doctor herself. We assumed she was developing something like dementia . She had a PET-CAT scan and found out yesterday it isnt that. She has stage 4 brain cancer which has spread to her liver with various metastatic sites. It is devastating. They can only really offer her palliative care and it is hard to say at this stage what that means but at 84 and she will be 85 in a few weeks, no other treatment route makes sense.

Yes they have both had a good innings; they are absolutely devoted to each other, the family and lovely, lovely people. No other ailments of any sort, fit as fiddles, and then this. We dont know how long Mum may have, probably likely to be months rather than longer. Depends on things we dont know yet and we are lucky to have my SiL as a GP in the family to ask the right questions.

So Ill be around but probably not keeping up so much or posting so much for a while and until I decide its a priority again.

Ill certainly be floating around and reading though and Ill still run my little votes on the slams and the PoM stuff; just not as obviously active and quite possibly not as up to date on scores and things.

Shhh · Challenger level

How awful to read of your parents Jon. Yes it is all part of life but its still a ****ty thing to go through, I really feel for you

JonH comes home · Tennis legend

Shhh wrote:
How awful to read of your parents Jon. Yes it is all part of life but its still a ****ty thing to go through, I really feel for you

Thank you Shhh, really appreciate the message

DF · Tennis legend

Life can be so difficult and challenging. Thank you for sharing with us.

Coup Droit · Tennis legend

So sorry to hear about the challenges you and your family are going through, Jon

I also have elderly parents/step-parents/parents-in-law, with several serious and sudden health problems

It's very difficult, not only emotionally, but there's often major admin and financial implications too, which can be very draining.

It's great if all the family can pull together and be on the same page.

All the very best to all of you

JonH comes home · Tennis legend

Coup Droit wrote:
So sorry to hear about the challenges you and your family are going through, Jon

I also have elderly parents/step-parents/parents-in-law, with several serious and sudden health problems

It's very difficult, not only emotionally, but there's often major admin and financial implications too, which can be very draining.

It's great if all the family can pull together and be on the same page.

All the very best to all of you

Thank you CD and so sorry to hear of your familys challenges. Im sure what my family are going through is very similar to many others on this board, I know Im not unique or special in that respect- Im the type of person who shares and thinks out loud and so it just helps me by putting it down and out there.

I hope everyone else struggling with whatever it is in their family has or can access the support they need.

Jan · Hall of fame

So very sorry to hear your news Jon. Of course you must absolutely prioritise family - but we will always be glad to "see" you when you are able and feel like it.
My very best wishes.

indiana · Tennis legend

So sorry to hear, Jon. Take care,. Thoughts are with you and your family.

Var · Futures level

Jon, thinking about you and your family. Our thoughts are with you all, and hoping that you can enjoy your time left together. My mother in law is receiving palliative care and it is amazing how you can still make cherished memories. Take care.

JonH comes home · Tennis legend

Thanks guys - its great having such nice folks on this board to share with and not feel awkward. Love to all

Tanaqui · County player

So sorry to hear the news about your parents, Jon. Wishing them and you (and the rest of your family) all the best in difficult circumstances.

On a practical note, if you don't already have Lasting Powers of Attorney (Financial and Medical/Welfare) in place, please do look into getting them set up as soon as possible (assuming your parents are still mentally competent, which it sounds like they are). LPAs will make it so much easier to manage your parents affairs if they become too incapacitated to handle them themselves and ensure they receive the kind of care and support you know they would want if they, unfortunately, become unable to make decisions for themslves or need care services/residental care.

(Also having up to date wills in place, of course, if they don't have those. Sorry to be grimly practical but I'm sure your parents would not want to leave you facing muddles and diffculties.)

JonH comes home · Tennis legend

Tanaqui wrote:
So sorry to hear the news about your parents, Jon. Wishing them and you (and the rest of your family) all the best in difficult circumstances.

On a practical note, if you don't already have Lasting Powers of Attorney (Financial and Medical/Welfare) in place, please do look into getting them set up as soon as possible (assuming your parents are still mentally competent, which it sounds like they are). LPAs will make it so much easier to manage your parents affairs if they become too incapacitated to handle them themselves and ensure they receive the kind of care and support you know they would want if they, unfortunately, become unable to make decisions for themslves or need care services/residental care.

(Also having up to date wills in place, of course, if they don't have those. Sorry to be grimly practical but I'm sure your parents would not want to leave you facing muddles and diffculties.)

Thanks T, definitely. I know wills are up to date and my dad has discussed powers of attorney so we need to get them in place. Good advice!

Julia Carrot · All-time great

So very sorry to read the news about your parents Jon. May you all be blessed with appropriate and loving care and support.